Bahaviourists

[Mudgie]

they only one criticising me is me - and I am not very constructive at it - but getting better 

[Kerry_and_Beau]

Hiya hunny i'm stillwaiting for my lap top to get back and Pauol's only works on one place in my house  just wanted to add to this but feeling awful so may not be as constructive as i would like 

one thing i have learned over the years and i think perhaps may help if you can understand me is not taking on everyone's problems and i'll try to explain how i see things and deal with them...

lets take you hunny, i'll do/say anything for you i will get emotionally involvedf and go all the way to help in any way i can as i know you and you are my friend    i will also do alot for another lovely lady on the course that i have gotten to know    but everyone else i will listen (good at that) and i will offer advice where i can and be as supportive as i can but i will not be in any way shape or form emotionally involved and i will not try to fight their battles for them if they have serious issues i will help them gain enough courage to aqpproach who they need i will not try to speak for them...there are alot of people that spend their lives moaning and finding problems and stirring but don't really have any issues they just want reactions from people to feel involved in stuff but not really got any problems and some people can get you into a real state trying to help them with nothing 

i think all we can do i deal with our own issues ourselves we can depend on some others for support in some areas but you would not exdpect anyone else to speak for you if you had a problem so don't take on other people's voices hun they have their own and you know yourself the best thing you can do for someone that has a real problem is help them deal with it themselves and support them 

i hope i haven't misunderstood some of the stuff from this week, but people see you as a voice don't let them try to use you as one sweetie if it hasn't happened then great ignore me until relevant 

as for the course i have so much to learn, felt so much better after my 1-2-1 also and realise some of my major faults are basic stuff as in organsing my time better as for the practical i think i need to rethink what i was expecting from that and maybe need to clarify some points with our tutor which i will do via email or phone i think.

you know where i am hun and i hope that Paul being there stopped you at any time from coming and chatting if you needed to, i'm always arount for a vent! 

piglet your post was very good thank you for responding its very helpful reading what you said 

[rooooooooby]

Hi,

Marion - I just wanted to say I didnt expect you to respond "on here" - I was just meaning if anyone wasnt sure who to go to about a particular issue then you may be someone who could "point in right direction" type thing

I love my uni and genuinely wouldnt be without everything it has to offer - the positive and the more challenging !

You will have to clarify this but on my course - the first year is all about learning academic skills like time management, how to cope under pressure, essay / report writing etc as well as catching you all up to the same level (psychology is a hard course to get on most students have an A or B in alevel psychology and an A in 1 other science or maths based alevel!!) ... it is expected that you will still have more to learn and with your marks you always get pointers for improvement and if you like you can go to the marking tutor and really "go through" them.  At my uni we also have a "CFAP" centre - you might have a similar thing, you can go there and ask for help on things like "how to do exam revision", "how to write academic essays or research papers", "maths support", "doing presentations" that kind of thing, we also have technicians who help with showing you how to use the specific software appropriate to our course and an academic librarian who can show you how to look for research papers, journals, books, e-books, DVD's, CD's, Video etc ... in the library and hire out things like tape recorders / camcorders / other stuff.

On my course all you have to do to get into 2nd year is scrape a pass (40%) in 5 modules and near pass (which can be upgraded to an E) and you are OK to proceed.  You get 2 chances at every assignment or exam aswell (but are capped at bare pass on 2nd attempt unless you miss them due to very strict extenuating circumstances) so I know it feels like a bit of a bum feeling (been there!) but in the grand scheme I'd think you have some comments to work on and in terms of your degree its all positive if you're learning from it

lastly - a bit of psychobabble for you ...

are you a visual learner ?  if so then you could think about using mental coaching for practicals and if you have written exams then have a look at mind mapping.  for this to work best you could really do with learning how to meditate to clear your mind of all the other daily bits.

if you're an aural learner then use your MP3 player / laptop .... ? to record lectures (in progress or do it yourself from the notes) and listen to them once you are in light meditation.

I am a visual learner and can honestly tell you I have written exam essays under pressure (2 essays in 1.5 hours) and could "see" the mind maps I had put up on my bedroom walls in the exam   Also - the mental coaching and rehearsal is used by all the top sportsmen and women e.g. Johnny Wilkinson to practice kicking when he is injured etc ... it is supposed to be really good.

Also the old favourite for remembering moves or facts etc ... is millers magical number 7 and how you can use chunking to get more than 7 "bits" of information in your head at once

Finally - you recall things better if you learn them in a similar situation to where you need them ... if you have a HTM routine e.g. clear as big a space as you can manage and walk it through so that your "routine" is thoroughly in - it'll mean you can just focus on the cues and correcting any mistakes when it comes to it ... stuff like that

I'm just sharing my experiences of how I handle juggling a child, a degree, 2 dogs and running a home   I have been at uni now since 2004 and still love it!

... mind you i am not sure setting an essay on depression over xmas was their best move ever lol !!

Claire x

[Mudgie]

okay i am not sure what kind of learner I am - probably anal 

Kerry hit the nail on the head - I felt like a counsellor last week - taking on everyone else's worries and trying to be constructive without being hurtful - in the end I had emotion overload - I had a lot of my own stuff going on which I never discussed with anyone - apart from in my 1:2:1 - as much as I can be gobby I am a private person and I tend to be passive and just get on with it - then erupt when it gets too much.  My eruption was my panic attack - which did my no favours - so I have learnt from that. 

As far as learning academically - I learn with structure - I am a planner    I need quiet - I couldnt study in the library it was too noisy    I am used to working in silence and am very systematic.  I like structure and order and I work damn hard to achieve my results.  This week I failed myself.  I didnt fail any assessments - I scraped them - I got 40% in one and 46% in another - they may be enough to pass but they are not good enough to me.  Yes I know my expectations and all that.  In my assessments so far this year I have never had anything less than 76% and I wasnt happy with that.  I have had over 80% and over 90% - not because these are subjects I excel in but because I am systematic and thorough with what I do.  This week I got caught up with other people in tears etc, cos I cant bear to see people feeling alone or lost - not a nice feeling - but it took its toll - I had other stuff going on with health issues of family and James friend dying and worry about James etc.  I need to learn to focus more even if it just for those 15 minutes that are important. 

I suppose I am easily distracted  This isnt about the work being beyond my capabilities this is about my expectations of myself and focusing on my dog and me instead of trying to be peacemaker.

[Mudgie]

also this is about my degree not a "team" degree but that is a whole other post 

[rooooooooby]

Hi,

too noisey !!  blimey - well in our library there is a silent working area and it is just that - silent and several study group rooms you can book, dig about and see what's available

failing that - we have online room timetabling, if you have then look which rooms are free and when and voila !  one lovely empty room for your peace & quiet

also, we have a uni counselling system - if you have something similar then refer people to that and just move on - the way i see things you are not there to win friends and influence people, you're there to focus on your education   obviously like you say, theres no need to be hurtful but its also not your job to be everyone offload point !

i think learning how to self hypnotise / meditate would really benefit you if you dont know already - it quietens the mind and if you catch your PA's soon enough it can reduce and stop them

Claire x

[Mudgie]

I can stop my PA's in 38 secs - if focussed  but all my training went out the window and all my negative automatic thoughts rushed in   

It wont happen again 

[rooooooooby]

hi,

do you like chocolate ?

if so and you can eat without the usual woman guilt thing - take your favourite bar and eat ... it'll help - just like with the dementors - it turns on all your natural anti-anxiety + happy systems

claire xxx