Author Topic: Some real corny jokes!  (Read 19133 times)

jaydex

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Some real corny jokes!
« on: June 30, 2008, 04:14:30 PM »
 ;D ;D

 Phone answering machine message
>
>           "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for
>           shorts.
>           The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
>           couldn't find any.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that
>           he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
>           And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a
>           strong currant.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
>           shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
>           The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in
>           the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have
>           your kayak and heat it too.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
>           covered with hundreds and thousands.
>           Police say that he topped himself.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
>           Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>            "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
>            "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
>            "Is it common? "
>            "It's not unusual."
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
>           "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
>            "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
>           So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
>           teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
>           "What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
>           "No, because he's really heavy"
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           Guy goes into the doctor's.
>           "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside
>           "How's that?"
>           "Don't you start."
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           What do you call a fish with no eyes?
>           A fsh.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
>           people in my family, so there must be one of them. It's could be
> my
>           mum or my dad. It could be my older brother Colin or my younger
>           brother Ho-Chi-Chung. I'm not sure, but I think it might be
> Deane...
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>           So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can
>           you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's
>           your oyster, go for it.'
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>           >
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>           Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
>           acid, the other was eating fireworks.
>           They charged one and let the other one off.
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>           "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
>           today. They left a little note on the windscreen.
>           It said, 'Parking Fine.'........So that was nice."
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>           A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in
>           several places"
>           The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more"
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>           Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
>           small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish
> search
>           and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect
>           that number to climb as digging continues into the
> night.........
>




*Lassie*

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Re: Some real corny jokes!
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2008, 04:21:29 PM »
Love the last one ;D ;D >:D


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If you can't eat it or play with it,
Just pee on it and walk away

Val

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Re: Some real corny jokes!
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2008, 06:37:22 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D

SuzAndTheDiva

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Re: Some real corny jokes!
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2008, 07:14:22 PM »
brillaint i like 'easy' jokes - i get them  :D well except the cricket one and i KNOW we been here before and i didnt understand it then but cant remember wha the explanation was  :D


*Nat*

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Re: Some real corny jokes!
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2008, 08:04:30 PM »
 ;D  ;D  ;D

xtine

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Re: Some real corny jokes!
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2008, 10:13:52 PM »
 :D they were good  ;D

GSPmad

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Re: Some real corny jokes!
« Reply #6 on: July 05, 2008, 01:06:24 AM »
doctor doctor i've only got 59 seconds to live

wait a minute please
To err is human: to forgive, canine.
There is no trust that has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog.

GSPmad

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Re: Some real corny jokes!
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2008, 01:23:10 AM »
two fish in a tank.

one said to the other 'do you know how to drive this thing?'
To err is human: to forgive, canine.
There is no trust that has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog.

GSPmad

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Re: Some real corny jokes!
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2008, 02:25:41 AM »
my dog's bone idle.

is he?

yesterday i was watering the garden and he wouldn't lift a leg to help me.
To err is human: to forgive, canine.
There is no trust that has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog.

GSPmad

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Re: Some real corny jokes!
« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2008, 02:27:36 AM »
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>           "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
>           today. They left a little note on the windscreen.
>           It said, 'Parking Fine.'........So that was nice."
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------

and that actually sounds like the sort of thing my great aunt would say.  :-X  :D
To err is human: to forgive, canine.
There is no trust that has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog.