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  • #88357
    Diesel73
    Member

    Sweety… How you described Willow, the anxious waiting, peeing inside the house, the ‘i-want-to-live-in-your-pantspocket-thing… Been there, done that when it comes to Diesel.
    My Tarco had it bad too, when i lost Thor. Wodan not so much but i lost Tarco when my eldest child was only 2 1/2 weeks old at the time. So the loss of Tarco was ‘filled up’ somewhat with the coming of a baby for Wodan.

    Tarco had it bad, but Diesel had it even worse. It’s been 6 1/2 months since i lost my Wookie, and only for the last month we can really see the progress that Dies is making. Slowly but surely he is turning in to Wodan… But it took him half a year to ‘get over it all’. Still not completely there, but he will. And so will i…

    #88358
    *Lassie*
    Member

    We are getting there slowly, she wouldn’t go up the garden in the dark for a pee without me holding her paw but now she will with lots of barking.  She is really guarding the house now, not sure if that is Tam going or faceache(the moron I was married to). He upset her by being nasty, shouting swearing and pushing me around, that frighten her. He is not allowed back in the house but the damage is done. He turned her world upside down so she relied on Tam all the more……..

    #88359

    aw hun…you all sure been in the wars…poor lass…
    ok she has seperation anxiety and is depressed…
    i would forget the stairs for now….she has to feel secure again in her own home and its surroundings without her prop…her packmate….i would get her on some liquid valerian…i would also be street walking her in the mornings and evenings…talking to her all the time…oooo look whats that over there chatter chatter chatter…if she goes to sniff something make a big thing of it…get that wag…even if it just a tail flick to start with….when you in the house also talk to her…i bet you been re-enforcing this behaviour…natural…as you both are prob in that state of being co-emotionally dependent ….but …stop…just chatter to her as you do stuff…groom her and chatter…feed her and chatter…wash up and chatter…do it even if she lying in her bed looking lost and forlorn….she will start to respond ….at bedtime…dont make such a fuss…off to bed hun…big sleep time…nite nite…give us a kiss…no matter how shitty you feel inside try and mask it….kick your tree on your own…wrap a smelly t shirt or whatever about her neck…or put in her bed….take it away in the mornings …it a bed time cuddly…and go up and down…just like in and out with dogs that got SA…up down up down…increase the time gap…each time you come bck down…ignore her but talk to yourself…daft mum where are my glasses…blimey will get to bed yet…where is that book..etc etc…when you come down in the morning…thats the big interaction time…big good morning big fuss etc….
    dont hold her paw in the garden…offer the out…stand at door chuck out some juicy treats…let her go if she wants …stay quiet…when she squats then do the good girl bit…if she barks….ignore it….if she doesnt go off on her own ….both come back in…if she pees in house just stay silent and clean it up….

    if you do all this ….ignoring the guarding, peeing, negative behaviours but interacting with her in a positive way you will start to get natural repair…and that you can work up and on with
    hugs to the fur ball
    x

    #88360
    *Lassie*
    Member

    We had a brilliant afternoon, went for a walk with Ami
    Willow laid down the law when they first met and Ami went OK you are the boss so Willow now has accepted her as her new friend.
    Ami has come out of her shell and was running around with Willow as Willow played ball,( I used that and grooming to get her to interact with me when she was lost and upset.) Willow was vocal and very waggy tailed.

    dont hold her paw in the garden…offer the out…stand at door chuck out some juicy treats…let her go if she wants …stay quiet…when she squats then do the good girl bit…if she barks….ignore it….if she doesnt go off on her own ….both come back in…if she pees in house just stay silent and clean it up….
    Did hold her paw for a short while then just stuck a lead on her and walked round the block now just send her out on her own into the garden and yes with a Good girl when she pees.

    Yes was guilty of neglect while Tam was at the vets and for the first week after I had to let him go, couldn’t stop crying.
    .just chatter to her as you do stuff.

    Message from Willow – don’t encourage her she talks me to death now :surrender:
    Tried the T shirt in the bed she peed on it, will try again to sleep in my own bed at the weekend, got more time to do the upstairs/downstairs routine

    #88361

    tell me more about the peeing in the bed problem…

    #88362
    *Lassie*
    Member

    It started after Tam went, she smelt the blanket I bought back from the vets went to her bed and stayed there, wouldn’t go out and peed.
    Then she wouldn’t go out at all unless I took her out  she just laid down and peed herself. She wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything. She stayed dry if I took her out at regular times but if I was busy or distracted and didn’t take her when she needed to go…..
    We had three weeks of no accidents, completely dry when I tried to sleep in my own bed. Went to bed at 2.00 am got up at 6.00am her bed was soaked.
    Been sleeping on the sofa for six weeks, completely dry the whole time. Had to sleep on the sofa past three weeks as I had to keep my leg elevated or the ankle blew up and leg was very painful. Now not got the nerve to sleep up stairs for fear of upsetting her again. :embarrass:

    #88363

    yep…it sounds like SA with stress panic…get her on a calmer and do the up down bit…it will take time but she will get there….create a going in bed ritual…and dont vary it..take it you neutralising the bedding ?
    poor lass…

    #88364
    *Lassie*
    Member

    Washed everything in biological cleaner/washing powder.
    Its been a real learning curve but we will get there, the shutting her self off is getting slightly less each day.

    #88365
    *Lassie*
    Member

    Frags asked for an update so here goes.

    Sorry Kiz still sleeping on the sofa :embarrass: not all Willows fault. It took 6 weeks for my leg to start to heal, going up and down stairs I tried to avoid as much as possible. I can now go for a shower or wash and blow dry my hair and although she lays in the hall waiting for me there is no whining or distress.
    Willow has come out of herself a lot since little Ami came on the scene, they have become good mates.
    We had a couple of set backs, once when my son got rattled when his computer was playing up so he was shouting and swearing at it,
    Willow freaked and took to her bed cowering, I called him and when he realised he had frightened her he came down stairs and acted daft with her till she relaxed.
    Unfortunately my ex still turned up every other week with cat food ( I had a choice between I take care of his cat and he pays for the food for all the cats or he took the cat to the vets and had it put down), she did all she could to avoid him so I made sure that she didn’t see him when he came.
    Had no choice with the cat food as I had to trim down all household expenses before I could afford to run the house and I couldn’t let the cat be put down.
    Think she was picking up from me as even though she didn’t see him, the last twice when he was due to come she was upset and peed the night before and the day he came 🙁
    Told him it would be better to just put the money through the door and leave but he refused to, he wanted to bring the food. Told him he was upsetting the dog so if he wouldn’t do as I asked he could stick the cat food up his a***
    He will be leaving us alone from now on >:D
    Willow has now settled down again so onwards and upwards hopefully.

    #88366
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Oh, good, good, GOOD for you!  Should be proud of yourself..acted in best interest of Willow, you and your son.  If you don’t mind me saying so, ex seems more than capable (& always likely) to keep his interests first…You good mum to Willow & just know that makes all the difference.  :ok: :yes:

        —–Frags

    #88367
    *Lassie*
    Member

    Thanks Frags, he is a really nasty piece of work but I had to make sure we kept a roof over our heads before I could kick him into touch, too cold to live in a tent in this weather 😉
    The atmosphere in the house has lightened now and Willow has started to be cheeky, pushing buttons to see what will be allowed ::)
    Think we will get there now, beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel ;D

    #88368
    Diesel73
    Member

    Careful what you wish for, Lass, or Willow might recover from the loss ‘too well’ like Diesel is doing now  ::) .
    For some reason the cat is his best friend now. They countersurf TOGETHER. Diesel will tell where the good stuff is, telling the cat to get upthere and push it off the counter. And he can lick the cat for hours until he starts coughing due to all the cathair in his throat.
    And in the morning, i and sunshine wake up totally cramped up both on 15cm of each side of our kingsizebed because Diesel sneaked on the bed between us, knowing that in our sleep we will move to make space thinking it is the weight of one of our kids  😮 .

    Although he is still a little … Like ‘upset’ when we all go for a walk with him. No way he can walk infront and behind of the kids at the same time. Used to be Wodan infront, Diesel behind the kids. Now he just keeps cirkling around them in big circkles, never leaving them out of his sight. If it is just me taking him out, than he will have his ears pointed at me at all times, and sticks like velcro to my leg if we meet something/someone. Constantly running back to me and wanting to be praised how good he is if he happens to wonder off more than 10-15ft.

    You’ll see, sweetie, Willow will get there. Slowly, but she will  😉 . Just like Diesel is getting there.

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