March 17, 2010 at 7:24 pm #64128
HMRC with a sense of humour
This is a real reply from the Inland Revenue. The Guardian newspaper had
to ask for special permission to print it
“Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply
to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I
will address them, as ever, in order.
Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a “begging
letter”. It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a “tax demand”. This
is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy,
traditionally referred to such documents.
Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the “endless stream of
crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the
doormat” has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other
letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from
“pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers”
might indicate that your decision to “file them next to the toilet in case of
emergencies” is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own
organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a
“lackwit bumpkin” or, come to that, a “sodding charity”. More likely they see
you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the
upkeep of the nation as a whole.
Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth
in your assertion that the taxes you pay “go to shore up the canker-blighted,
toppling folly that is the Public Services”, a moment’s rudimentary calculation
ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you
to “stump up for the whole damned party” yourself. The estimates you provide for
the Chancellor’s disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful,
are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent
on “junkets for Bunterish lickspittles” and “dancing whores” whilst far more
than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, “that box-ticking
façade of a university system.”
A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:-
1.. The reason we don’t simply write “Muggins”on the envelope has to do
with the vagaries of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that “sucking the very marrow of those with
nothing else to give” has never been considered as a practice because even if
the Personal allowance didn’t render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics
involved would make it financially unviable.
I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way
wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that
even if you did choose to “give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in
India” you would still owe us the money.
Please send it to us by Friday.
H J Lee
Customer Relations “March 17, 2010 at 8:23 pm #114205
A tax person with a sense of humour – i want to speak to them next time i have to ring them 😀March 18, 2010 at 10:12 pm #114206
😀 fantastic ;DMarch 19, 2010 at 8:47 pm #114207
Would have loved to see the original letter too ;D ;D
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